Remarks about spelling can hurt deeply. Whether they come from a teacher, a classmate, a family member or even oneself, they pile up and weigh heavily on self-esteem. For a person with dysorthographia, every mistake marked in red, every public correction, every « you should have paid more attention » resonates as a judgement on their abilities. Yet there are concrete ways to protect both their confidence and that of your child, without denying the real challenges of dysorthographia.
Why remarks hurt a person with dysorthographia more
Dysorthographia is not a matter of laziness or lack of attention. It is a disorder of written language that affects the way the brain processes and memorises spelling rules. Even with considerable effort, a person with dysorthographia may make mistakes that seem « obvious » to others.
It is precisely this gap that wounds. Each remark reinforces a false belief: « I’m useless », « I don’t try hard enough », « it’s my fault ». Yet this has nothing to do with intelligence or willpower. But when criticism is repeated, one ends up believing it. Self-esteem erodes, stress increases, and writing becomes a source of anxiety rather than pleasure.
Children with dysorthographia are particularly vulnerable. At an age when identity is being built and the opinions of others carry great weight, accumulating negative remarks about spelling can cause lasting wounds. Some come to refuse to write, dread school, or develop anxiety about assessments.
Recognising a toxic remark and defusing it
Not all remarks are equal. A kind, educational correction (« This rule applies when… ») has nothing in common with a personal criticism (« It’s carelessness »). Learning to tell the two apart helps reduce the internalisation of guilt.
Common toxic remarks:
- « You never make any effort » (it replaces observation with a moral judgement)
- « It’s simple, though » (it creates shame)
- « All the others manage it » (it creates comparison)
- « You struggle at school, how will you succeed later? » (it generates anxiety)
- « It’s your fault if you get a bad mark » (it denies the disorder)
In the face of this type of remark, there is a strategy: gentle reframing. You can calmly reply: « Dysorthographia is a bit like having eyes that struggle to see certain letters. It isn’t a question of effort; it’s a different way the brain functions. »
This response does not deny the difficulty. It places it in its real context: it is a disorder, not a moral failing.
Building a protective bubble without isolation
Protecting the self-esteem of your child with dysorthographia does not mean overprotecting them or hiding the real world from them. It means finding a balance: supporting them without pitying them, encouraging them without excusing them, helping them progress without letting them believe everything is their fault.
At home:
- Separate the person from the mistake. Instead of « You write badly », say « This particular mistake is easy to correct with our strategy ». The difference is enormous for the brain.
- Value efforts, not just results. A child who tries and gets it wrong deserves as much recognition as a child who succeeds without effort.
- Create moments of writing without judgement: word games, creative writing, fun text messages. Rediscovering the pleasure of writing is just as important as making progress.
- Celebrate progress, even small progress. A word misspelt yesterday, written better today: that is a victory.
At school and in society, guide your child towards self-acceptance. This does not mean accepting dysorthographia as an insurmountable limit. It means accepting that it is a part of them, one they can work on and progress with, but also live with without being crushed by it.
How to react to a direct remark
Parents and children often feel paralysed in the face of criticism. Should one react? Confront the teacher? Stay silent to avoid trouble?
Here are some suggestions:
If your child is the one receiving a remark:
- Listen without minimising. « You found that hurtful, I hear you » is more helpful than « Don’t pay attention ».
- Once the emotion has passed, analyse together. Is it a fair remark but badly worded? Is it a misunderstanding of the disorder? Is it really unfair?
- Tell them clearly: « This remark is about how you write, not about who you are. You have value, even with dysorthographia. »
- Show them how to not confuse dysorthographia with lack of willpower when necessary.
If you are the one observing:
- Speak to the teacher privately, without aggression. « I’m worried that remarks about spelling are harming my child’s confidence. How can we do things differently? »
- Share information about dysorthographia. Many teachers do not know its real mechanisms.
- Offer concrete solutions, not reproaches. « What if we valued efforts rather than mistakes? »
- If dialogue is not enough, document the situation and calmly escalate it (headteacher, MDPH, etc.).
Turning criticism into learning
The goal cannot be to eliminate all criticism. Life also involves receiving feedback. But it can be framed, put into context and, above all, your child can learn not to be shaken by it.
A person with dysorthographia can learn to have a healthy relationship with their mistakes. This means:
- Understanding that a mistake is information, not a personal failure.
- Using spell checkers and tools without shame (they are there for that purpose).
- Developing strengths elsewhere: creativity, oral expression, logical thinking, etc. Enhancing hidden strengths is a powerful antidote to criticism.
- Accepting that « dysorthographic » does not define everything one is.
Over time, a child who receives emotional support learns that spelling is an area where they struggle, not an issue of identity. And that is already an enormous benefit for self-esteem.
Frequently asked questions
How can I explain dysorthographia to someone who doubts that it really exists?
Keep it simple and factual: « Dysorthographia is recognised as a disorder of written language by health professionals and the national education system. It is a bit like dyslexia, but it mainly affects spelling. The brain struggles to automate the rules, even after repetition. It is not a question of intelligence or effort. » If the person continues to doubt, it is no longer your problem to solve.
My child refuses to write after receiving negative remarks. What should I do?
This is a protective reaction. First, the emotion needs to heal before returning to writing. Allow time, create low-stakes situations (fun messages, stories without correction), and show that you believe in their abilities. If the refusal persists, a psychologist or speech and language therapist can help unblock the situation.
Should I confront the teacher who criticises my dysorthographia too much?
Yes, but strategically. A teacher who is unaware that their toxic remarks harm self-esteem may change their approach once they understand. Request a respectful meeting, ask questions rather than accuse, and look for solutions together. If nothing changes, involve the headteacher or request a PAP (Personalised Support Plan) which sets out the arrangements for assessments.
Going further
- Ministry of National Education and Youth – Resources on written language disorders and school adjustments. To find out your rights regarding support and PAP.
- INSERM (French National Institute of Health and Medical Research) – Scientific studies and information on dysorthographia and learning disorders.
- MDPH (Departmental House for Disabled Persons) – To obtain official recognition of dysorthographia and the corresponding arrangements (AESH, extra time, etc.).
