Dysorthographia and anger

Is your dysorthographic child exploding during homework, throwing their exercise book, slamming doors after school? These outbursts are common, and they often have an explanation. Behind the anger lie frustration, tiredness and sometimes discouragement. Here is how to understand and calm them. Understanding what is at play behind these outbursts makes it easier to respond to them.

Understanding anger

The anger of a dysorthographic child is often the expression of great frustration. They make an effort, but cannot get there. They do not understand why, and feel powerless. This powerlessness is hard to bear, and anger is one way of expressing it.

It can also reflect the tiredness built up over the school day, when they have had to put in far more effort than the others. Getting through a whole day takes considerable energy.

This is not a whim or a lack of goodwill. Understanding this changes how you respond. See dysorthographia and tiredness.

Moments of risk

Outbursts often happen on the way home from school, when the child releases the pressure built up, or during homework, when faced with a difficult writing task. It is often with their parents that they feel safe enough to let their emotions out.

They can also erupt after a poor mark, a hurtful remark or a comparison. These situations stir up a feeling of injustice or failure.

Spotting these moments helps you anticipate them. You can then adjust the routine around these sensitive times. See dysorthographia and homework.

During an outburst

During an outburst, stay calm. Your child needs you to keep your composure. Avoid shouting or punishing in the moment. Your calm helps them find their own.

Let them calm down, ideally in a quiet place. Put words to their emotion: “I can see you’re angry, it’s hard when things don’t work out.” A child in the middle of an outburst is not in a state to listen to reasoning.

Wait until they are calm before talking about it. The time for discussion will come later, once the storm has passed.

Search for Dys professionals near you

The only online directory dedicated to professionals working with Dys disorders

After the outburst

Once they have calmed down, talk with them about what happened. What made them angry? How could they have expressed it differently? These conversations help them understand their emotions and manage them better.

Help them find other ways of expressing their frustration: saying they need a break, asking for help, going to let off steam. A code or a gesture agreed in advance can help them ask for a pause.

Remind them that their feelings are valid, but that some behaviour is not acceptable. Setting a clear and caring framework reassures them.

Preventing outbursts

A break after school, before homework, helps release the pressure. Short homework sessions, with breaks, reduce frustration. A snack, a game or some time outdoors before homework often works wonders.

Adapt your expectations: do not ask them for the impossible. Praise their efforts rather than their results. Realistic goals reduce frustration and the risk of outbursts.

See organising homework. These simple adjustments often change the atmosphere of evenings.

Tools for calming down

Teach your child techniques for calming down: breathing deeply, counting, squeezing a stress ball, going for a run. These tools should be learnt during calm moments, so they can be used when an outburst happens.

Sport and physical activities also help them release tension day to day. Regular physical activity helps discharge built-up tension.

See dysorthographia and sport. Each child will find the techniques that suit them best.

When to be concerned

If outbursts are very frequent, intense, or are accompanied by other signs such as lasting sadness or dangerous behaviour, talk to your GP. Outbursts that get worse despite your efforts deserve an outside opinion.

A psychologist can help your child manage their emotions, and support you too. A professional can also check whether there are any other associated difficulties.

See psychologist and dysorthographia. Asking for help is not an admission of failure.

Exchange with parents of dys children

A space for exchange, listening and support dedicated to parents of children with DYS disorders

Questions that keep coming up

Why does my dysorthographic child have outbursts ?

Often out of frustration with writing and tiredness after a demanding school day. The anger is often the expression of great frustration.

What to do during an outburst ?

Stay calm, let them calm down, put words to their emotion, and talk about it once they are calm. Your calm helps them find their own.

How to prevent outbursts ?

A break after school, short homework sessions, adapted expectations and tools for calming down. These simple adjustments often change the atmosphere of evenings.