Dyslexia and friendships

Dysorthography affects writing, but its effects can spill over into social life. A child who feels useless in class may withdraw, doubt themselves in front of others or fear being mocked. Friendships are nevertheless a precious resource for their well-being. Here is how to help them build connections. Strong bonds with others are also an important protective factor.

An sometimes invisible impact

Dysorthography does not directly affect social skills. Many children with dysorthography have friends, are funny, sociable and well liked. Their personal qualities have nothing to do with their spelling.

But when self-esteem is weakened, some children withdraw. They are afraid of being judged, avoid situations where writing is involved, or feel different. This withdrawal can go unnoticed if we do not pay attention to it.

Paying attention to their social life is part of the support. Ask them regularly about their mates and break times. See self-esteem.

When writing gets involved between friends

Messages on phones, notes exchanged in class, board games involving writing: spelling can creep into exchanges between children. Messaging apps often offer voice dictation and automatic correction.

A child with dysorthography may feel ashamed of their mistakes in a message, and prefer not to reply or to use voice notes instead. These tools allow them to stay in touch without stress.

Reassure them: their true friends are interested in what they say, not in their spelling. You can also show them that many adults make spelling mistakes in their messages. See social media.

Encouraging opportunities to meet people

Extracurricular activities are excellent opportunities to make friends around a shared passion, away from writing. Sharing a passion creates strong and natural bonds.

Inviting a classmate home, organising an outing, or joining a club helps to build connections in a relaxed setting. These moments outside school allow children to get to know each other in a different way.

See extracurricular activities. Friendships formed through these activities often last a long time.

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Valuing their relational qualities

Help your child become aware of their qualities: humour, kindness, listening, creativity, sporting talent. These are what matter in friendship. These are the qualities that their friends appreciate in them.

Remind them that their difficulties with writing do not define who they are. A child who sees themselves only through their difficulties finds it harder to reach out to others.

A child who feels appreciated dares more to approach others. Your positive view helps them see themselves as they truly are.

Whether or not to talk about it with friends

Some children prefer to keep their disorder to themselves, while others talk about it easily. Both choices are legitimate. They may also choose to talk about it only with close friends.

If your child wishes to talk about it, help them find simple words: « I find spelling difficult, my brain works a little differently. » Preparing a few sentences in advance reassures them.

Explaining their disorder to friends can put an end to comments. Children often accept these differences very well when they are explained simply. See explaining dysorthography.

Dealing with teasing

If your child is teased because of their mistakes or their adjustments, take them seriously. Listen to them, reassure them, and speak to the school if needed. Careful listening shows them that they are not alone.

Repeated teasing can become bullying, which must be dealt with quickly. The school must be informed so that it can intervene.

See dysorthography and bullying. The quicker the response, the more easily the situation is resolved.

When to be concerned

If your child has no friends, complains of being alone, refuses invitations or seems sad, talk about it with them and with the teacher. An exchange with the teacher helps you learn how they behave in class and at break times.

Lasting isolation deserves to be explored with a professional, in particular to check that there is no other associated difficulty. Some children need a helping hand to develop their social skills.

See psychologist and dysorthography. The key is not to let the situation become entrenched.